Dear Friends,
I just read an article in Harvard Business Review that made me think about TTN. The author, Avivah Wittenberg-Cox, focuses her piece on careers (of course; she's writing for a business publication) but a point she makes strikes me as very relevant to all of us.
Wittenberg-Cox says that life for both men and women is often depicted as having two phases: a "me-focused" period in which we climb steadily upward toward financial and professional goals, and then a second phase, later in life, in which we retire from our jobs and find a new purpose in serving others.
The author points out that while this may be a fair picture of a male life experience, for most women things don't look like that at all! Even today, with gender roles becoming more balanced, women's lives tend to be much less linear than those of men. Especially for those of us who chose to have both careers and children, our pre-retirement life was often an intensely exhausting juggling act as we worked, took care of other people, and tried our darnedest to have it all. This, of course, makes the idea that our 30s, 40s and 50s were "me-time" kind of funny.
Many women our age are only just now finding the freedom to prioritize their own voices and ambitions. As Jane Fonda said in a recent interview, "It took me until I was 60 to discover that 'No' is a complete sentence."
So how can we learn to take better care of ourselves? I believe it takes a village -- or, more specifically, the support and inspiration we get from women in the TTN community. Here are quotes from fellow travelers:
Rhoda Margolis of the Atlanta chapter: "When I think about what my life would have been like without TTN and the connections I've made, I know it would have been harder. I'm an outgoing person. I have a lot of friends. But I needed something more than that. I needed people who understood what it meant for me to give up what I had been doing for over 40 years and look for something new."
Lynne Podrat, chair of the South Florida chapter: "Each person I meet has inspired me to keep moving forward ... and to keep participating in life. We brainstorm together and make each other laugh."
Linda Sicher of the New York City chapter: "I've learned that if you put yourself out there, if you take risks, very interesting things can happen. After a career as a teacher, I never in the world thought I'd end up being an artist. Never! And I never would have taken the leap without the encouragement I received from the women I met at TTN."
I'm no expert in the area of setting boundaries, self care and all the other things I know I should be doing more of, but I have learned one true thing during my time at TTN. If you want to get better at something, achieve some kind of goal, the best way to set yourself up for success is to do this: (a) find a group of smart, competent women who will challenge and inspire you, and (b) spend a lot of time with them. It works!
Affectionately,
Darla